


That Does Not Begin to Justify You

by Pastel_Pink_Panther



Category: Count Duckula
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dark Humor, Humor, Loss of Trust, Strained Relationships, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24962014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Pink_Panther/pseuds/Pastel_Pink_Panther
Summary: "M'lord-""Igor!Stoptrying tointerruptme!!" Duckula took a deep breath and went on, "Why can't you accept me for who I am??" He turned his gaze back on the road and adjusted the steering wheel- apparently they had started drifting a little off to the side when he wasn't paying attention. After a moment, he murmured inaudibly, "Why do you hatemeso much?"
Relationships: Count Duckula/Dr. Von Goosewing, Igor/Heinrich (Count Duckula)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

The ride back to Transylvania was eerily quiet. Normally, Igor feasted eagerly and enthusiastically upon the eerie- especially since now the wonderful eerie was extremely rare. But this was the _wrong_ kind. This wasn't the kind where something deliciously evil was about to happen. It wasn't the kind you savored in anticipation of the dark- and potentially bloody- act(s) to come. No, this was the kind of eerie that... that... well, Igor was not quite sure what kind it was. He had never thought, even for a second, that the feeling could be unpleasant.

But it was quiet. Too quiet. And for some reason or another, Igor didn't like it. He turned his weary head towards the Count- who had taken over driving their now thoroughly dilapidated vehicle back to Castle Duckula, and had his eyes locked on the road ahead.

"M'lord?"

"Hmm? What is it now, Igor?" Duckula didn't take his eyes off the road as he spoke, a tint of venom in his voice. "If you're about to drag me into another one of your secret schemes to turn me into a _'proper vampire,'_ forget it! I've told you over and over-"

"Sir-"

"Oh _no_ you _don't_ \- don't you _dare_ start that now!" Duckula whipped his head over to the side to glare at his butler. "I don't know why I keep putting up with you! You keep trying to turn me into something I'm not- it's not- it's not fair- why can't you just accept that I'm _different-"_

"M'lord-"

"Igor! _Stop_ trying to _interrupt_ me!!" Duckula took a deep breath and went on, "Why can't you accept me for who I am??" He turned his gaze back on the road and adjusted the steering wheel- apparently they had started drifting a little off to the side when he wasn't paying attention. After a moment, he murmured almost inaudibly, "Why do you hate _me_ so much?"

To this, Igor had absolutely no response. What was he supposed to say? He had never been in a position such as this before- he and many of the previous Counts in the dynasty had been something like kindred spirits, what with their thirst for the blood of innocents and desire for destruction. Unfortunately, that was not the case with the current Count Duckula. Instead of thirsting for the red liquid succulent like his predecessors, he thirsted for _raspberry popsicles_. Instead of hungering for destruction, he hungered for fame and fortune- and _broccoli sandwiches_.

If that stupid hen hadn't mixed up the bottles of blood and ketchup, they wouldn't be in this mess, now would they? No, they most certainly wouldn't. They would be pillaging the Transylvanian village right now for their master's supper.

_"Why do you hate_ me _so much?"_

Did Igor hate the current Master? Of course not! Igor wouldn't put himself through _this_ much trouble if he hated him.

That didn't mean he had to _like_ him either.

* * *

Otto Von Goosewing propped his destroyed stake gun up against the wall, sighing in frustration all the while. He really should have taken out McDuckula when he had the chance (several times the vampire had his back turned on Goosewing, which would have been the perfect moment to wipe at least one of the foul creatures from the face of this Earth)- but that hadn't occurred to him until _after_ Duckula got away. And then McDuckula chased him off his castle property, threatening to drain him of his blood despite being "the wrong collar size."

And so Goosewing lost his chance to rid the world of one of those overgrown leeches. 

"Heinrich," the scientist called as he trudged further into the lab. Of course, there was no answer. "Heinrich! Heinrich! Vhere has zat boy gone off to now?!? He is never here vhen I vant him!! I turn him invisible _once_ and he abandons me!" Goosewing raised his voice as he shouted, "Vell, I don't need you, you- you-" He huffed and didn't bother to finish his sentence. He marched into the main section of his lab, stepping around the long metal panels and bits of circuitry lying around. "Teh!! He could not even be bothered to clean up vhen he left!" 

Goosewing wasted no time and set to work on drawing up some plans for a new invention. He would get that vampire menace Duckula- even if it takes him years! A few hours passed as the goose scribbled idea after idea, trashing each one when he realized it to be unsuitable. Having been drained of energy from the events of the day, Goosewing eventually- and unwillingly- slumped forward onto his own worktable, his consciousness crashing into black. 

In short, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter sucks and the characters OOC, this is literally my first time writing them. It's also been a while since I've written anything, so my style is probably pretty rusty- which doesn't help...
> 
> Anyways, constructive criticism is appreciated, and flames are not.


	2. Chapter 2

_The next morning..._

Goosewing awoke early that morning with a violent start as a horrific statement flashed across his memory. "No... no no no..."

_"It's Rory McDuckula Von Goosewing."_

"Oh no... oh no! No no _no!"_ The goose stood up quickly, paying no mind to his stool as it fell over in the process. He scurried over to the nearest mirror (when did he buy that mirror anyway? Hmm, maybe Heinrich got it for whatever reason when Goosewing was away? Who knows.) and opened his beak wide. He examined his teeth carefully in the reflection, his hands already damp with sweat. They seemed to be normal- they were very crooked, as usual.

Still, the thought- the very notion of it!

Goosewing stumbled backwards, putting his hands to the side of his face as fear took over. "It's all in your head, Gooseving!" he tried and failed to reassure himself. "It' s all in your head- perhaps he just said the 'Von Gooseving' part as an address- but zhere vas no pause- so zhen zat means-" The scientist shook his head quickly. "Zhink, zhink! Vhat can I do? Vhat can I..."

He paused for a moment as an idea came to him. "AHA! Of course! Gooseving, you genius! You genius! I can kill two birds with stone, _ja!_ Just you vait, Duckula! Tonight, you vill breathe your LAST!"

* * *

_Later that afternoon, at Castle Duckula..._

"Your afternoon meal, m'lord," Igor declared, placing a bowl of soup in front of Duckula. The green waterfowl picked up his spoon and slowly stirred his soup, scrutinizing the broth suspiciously. He lifted up the spoon and squinted at the liquid with a raised eyebrow.

"Igor?" Duckula addressed.

"Yes, m'lord?"

"Did you stir the soup with that fly swatter _again?"_ If Igor's sudden stuttering was anything to go by, the answer was yes. Duckula dropped his spoon back into the bowl and sighed- sometimes he wondered why he even tried to explain it to Igor anymore. The vulture just didn't _get it._ That or he did get it, and just refused to accept it. "I think I'll skip lunch today," Duckula muttered, pushing the bowl away. Why couldn't Igor understand? Oh yeah- because he had no heart. That's why. He didn't care about what Duckula really wanted from life. All Igor cared about was "the old days."

That's all he ever cared about from day one.

Without another word, ignoring the confused queries of his butler, Duckula pushed away from the table and stood up. He regarded Igor briefly with a saddened expression before turning away and walking out.

The Count wandered the empty halls for a little while before reaching one of its many balconies. He leaned forward on the railing and sighed, taking in the view. Not that there was much of a view- it was all just huge, jagged mountains with thick clouds swirling ever so slowly in the sky.

"Wot's the matter, Duckyboo?" Nanny asked, stepping onto the balcony next to Duckula. He jerked from his depressed train of thought as another- and currently more pressing- matter came to his mind.

"Nanny- the balcony, the _balcony_ \- it- it's gonna- it-" An ominous cracking sound reached his ears. Duckula shook his head slowly. "Oh, why do I even bother?" he muttered to no one in particular.

"Wot's that, Master Duckuler?" Another cracking sound followed the hen's gentle query. Duckula couldn't help but sigh again.

"Nothing, Nanny- just please try not to crush me on the way dow- yyaaaaaAAAAAAAHH!!!!!"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Goosewing took a step back proudly from his invention. No, it was not just his invention. It was a work of art! Not just in its craftsmanship, but also in its irony. Of course the last time he had built something like his monster creation last month (or was it two months ago?) he wound up falling into a hole being dug by Igor- what the butler could have possibly been digging it for, he honestly didn't want to even consider- but this time, THIS TIME, he would succeed!

"Duckula, you fiend! Soon for your crimes, you evil wampire, you shall pay! And my fears vill be put to rest!" Goosewing walked over to a lever in the corner of the room and pulled down on it dramatically. It slid and clicked into place and... nothing happened. "Eh?" The goose looked over at his still-inert creation. _"Verdammte!"_ He pushed the lever back up into its previous position and then pulled back down on it again.

Still nothing.

He kicked the side of the lever in frustration. "All zhis work and vhat do I get?! Nothing! Absolutely, utterly, ficke-" He kicked the lever a little too hard this time and wound up clutching his foot and hopping around in pain.

"Ow ow ow OW OW!!!-"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"So humiliating- OW! Nanny! Go easy on the bandages, sheesh!" Duckula winced and bit his lower beak in pain as Nanny wrapped some gauze way too tightly around his finger- more likely than not cutting off its circulation. "Look look, I'll just do it myself, okay?"

"Duckyboo, do stop making a fuss." As if the one bandage wasn't enough, Nanny pulled out another and started wrapping that one around his finger too. "Nanny will have you as good as new!"

"Hahaha, right, very funny," Duckula said dryly, thinking about the front castle door. Lately it went from having to be replaced once a week to twice a week, and last he checked, they weren't exactly made of Transylvanian Dragmas. Still, the fact that Nanny hadn't broken his finger yet like she always did the door was an amazement in itself- a cracking reached his ears, and a shooting pain coursed through his finger. Ah, there it was. "Nanny, if you'll just excuse me for a moment-" He pulled away from her and stumbled out of the bathroom just as the first set of pained expletives left his beak.

Igor, who sat in the sitting room across the hall sipping his patented blood tea, cringed at his employer's swearing and lifted his newspaper higher. It was still tea time, and in any case, Duckula was probably in no mood for the butler to get involved anyway.

"Master Duckuler, do you kiss your Nanny with that mouth?" came Nanny's voice through the currently closed bathroom door.

"NOT ANYMORE I _DON'T!!!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm still kinda figuring out the plot and such. In any case, constructive criticism is always appreciated- FLAMES on the other hand are definitely NOT.


End file.
